Thursday, June 2, 2011

hey June

Sorry to say June, but i hate you already. You makes me under pressure, lonely, and cry a lot. Brother are about to moving, sadly said (deep breath), tomorrow. I still have to fight for my thesis, due date next Monday. A long fighting with boyfriend, and i still don't know how can i name this kind of life. I'm exhausted. Last weekend, i spent more than 24 hours to do some revision, while the world were watching Champion League final match, congrats to Barcelona. Unlucky me, that sort of big effort i ever did means nothing significant to my thesis. I have to read read and read more theories, journals, text books, then find more related theories so i could analyse it. I'm tired, body and mind. 

I lost myself lately. I became a moody, messy girl. Yap, it tells a lot why i had a long fighting with boyfriend. I just know, it's senseless, what we're fighting for, but for the sake of my self-esteem, i'll let him go. (another deep and long breath). Sometimes i think i have to quit, quit from my ordinary life. I gotta stop to pleased everybody. I'm not a kind of superhero, wondergirl, the best sister and daughter ever. I'm only human. I could cry, i could failed, i could angry to God and blame Him. I knew He'll catch me when i hit that bottom crash, not yet fortunately, but i know i will someday. Thanks God for what have You done to me. You are great.

(sigh). I'm in brother's crib now, helping him to pack his stuff. He gave me a lamp and some cotton, he's not using it anymore. I miss him already. I miss babeh, mama and little brother too. I miss my Dape Bear. I miss me. I miss..

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